My Journey Out

In May 2006 (almost a year ago), I flew to Mexico City and spent the weekend with a young friend of mine, I’ll call him Ramez. He was 29, I was 45. He was the first man I’d ever slept with. We had a great time. I lied to my wife about the purpose of this "business trip". It was the beginning of a wild 2006 and the start of my long journey out.

This blog is about my journey of lies, discovery of my sexuality, dealing with the issues of family, friends and business associates. The story is still in progress.

I had met Ramez almost 8 years ago. He worked one summer as a college intern for my company in cube outside my office. We talked each day, he was/is terribly cute, friendly and caring. Nothing happened and frankly the thought of his or my own sexual interests never entered my conscience. During the ensuing years, we occasionally stayed in touch via email and if I went to Mexico City, we’d go out to dinner. The last dinner in Fall of 2005, we drank a bit much tequila and he walked me back to my hotel and said our good byes on the street. It was at this point I realized I wanted to take him back to my room and let loose. I didn’t, though I let loose on myself in a "Party of One" later that night.

Back now to early May 2006, I’m sitting in my office in Washington, DC, the work day well underway. A instant message window pops up, it’s Ramez, "Hi!". What followed was a long IM dialog, the pertinent points being: Ramez was upset, he wanted to tell me he was gay, he had a long term boyfriend, they had just broken up, he was sad.

I expressed my sympathy and told him I was always here and that I liked him. "You like me?" He replied. "Are you gay too?" He asked. And in what has become a long stream of lies. NO, I replied.